I used to believe the phrase “death knell” meant “death nail,” thinking it came from the final nail hammered into a coffin during burial. It’s interesting to learn that a death knell is actually the bell rung to signify a death. I remember as a child, my church would ring the bell when a member passed away, which always felt so touching. Reflecting on my own experiences in 2025, there are multiple times that I heard a death knell ringing in my ear.  This year, we have come close to unfortunate disasters and life changing events.

We arrived back in Dar es Salaam on January 20, inauguration day in America. Because of the time difference, we were comfortably back at home when the inauguration activities began. I turned on the TV so we could watch the process. After the swearing-in, we began our nighttime routines and prepared for bed. As I often do each morning, I wake up, I began to review the news from the previous night. Buried on The Hill’s website was an article saying Trump signed an executive order pausing foreign aid. I remember sitting up in bed and reading the article. I wasn’t sure how it would affect my organization, but I knew this was not good. I copied the link and sent it to myself to shared with others. Later that morning, I had a staff meeting with my colleagues from Tanzania and Zimbabwe, and I mentioned the article to them, saying, “DC is still asleep, so we don’t know how this will affect our work.” I told them that I would be talking with DC later that day.

In the afternoon, I had a call with my DC colleagues. As we were closing our meeting, I highlighted the article to my director and told her I know it’s early, but I just wanted to mention it. She said there was no word from the front office, but there would be an announcement later that day. I was preparing to fly to Zanzibar the next morning, so she told me to continue as usual. So after that call, I finished booking my trip to Zanzibar.

At 12:01 am on Wednesday, a notice was sent out from my DC office alerting us to pause program activity. My organization wasn’t sure whether the freeze on foreign assistance applied to new awards or to draw down disbursements (how we received money from the federal government). Only travel and activities approved by division leadership would be cleared to move forward. I was scheduled to arrive in Zanzibar seven hours later, so I began talking with my directors about the trip. After some back-and-forth, my trip was cleared at 3:44 am. Instead of sleeping, I prepared to head to the airport. We managed to hold our event, but we cut our trip short by a day and headed back to Dar es Salaam.

The messages I would receive from my organization over the following days would paint an unfortunate picture of chaos, confusion, and sudden developments that would lead to the a significant constraint in international development and the near collapse of my organization.

Despite the uncertainty surrounding events around us, we had visitors: cousins from the US and a special friend from Abuja, Nigeria. And as you know, we love visitors!